“It matters not how a man has died, but how he has lived”
(Samuel Johnson )

I must say that I completely agree.
Sometimes we concentrate so much on death that we forget to live.
My daddy lived an awesome adventure that was his LIFE. He was raised in a time when the world was simple, safe, and centered around the family. He had two hard working, loving, devoted parents that raised him to be the same. He partied in the 60’s and 70’s then grew up with me in the 80’s and 90’s. We kind of raised each other. I think that we both did a pretty good job. We have had some rough patches along the way, but we always came thru it.
He lived a life of charm and mischief. He was always full of life. He is leaving us all with many, many cherished memories. Some of which I think its probably best that we don’t share… I myself, have so many memories and I hope someday that I will be able to share them with Kenneth and maybe even Kenneth’s children. I look back and wish that I had listened more to some of those stories that I had to hear over and over and over. Toward the end of his battle, Bud began telling me some of those stories of him and Jerry Roderick. Boy, did they get into some stuff! He would laugh and laugh, meanwhile I was in complete shock.. I am saddened by the fact that Kenneth will never truly know his Papaw. I do hope that Kenneth has some of his own memories of his Papaw, to cherish. Nothing will take the place of his real memories.
When Bud was diagnosed with Cancer, I prayed. Boy, did I pray. I prayed for strength for him and for healing. I prayed that he wouldn’t be taken away from us or from Kenneth. I prayed that the treatments would work despite what I already knew. I was being selfish, I wanted him to stay with me, here and not leave me.After all, it was always Me and Bud. It wasn’t till after they stopped the treatments and when he got really sick, that I realized all along, I was praying for the wrong things. I had been praying for my behalf, not praying for what needed to happen. So, I started praying that it would be Gods will. I left it in Gods hands. After all, his hands are stronger than ours, right?
It was hard to give up that control, we had always, always taken care of each other. He had always been by my side and now it was my turn to take care of him, and I felt like I had failed at first. I felt like because I couldn’t make him feel better that I had let him down. Even when I knew beyond shadow of a doubt that I was doing and had done everything that I could, it was hard not to feel like a failure.




Now, my daddy has left behind a lifetime of friends and family that will never forget our BUD… I know that he is better now, and that he is free of worry and pain., but it is still very hard to let him go. I have always known that no matter what happened that he would be right there. It has always been Me and Bud, he has ALWAYS been there when I needed him to be. Even when we argued and fussed and threatened to “smack each other” we knew that we loved each other and that we could count on each other. It is hard not to be able to pick up my phone and call him just to hear his voice, and I now have stopped myself from driving by his house. That just seems to be me hurting more and more. I know that one day we will meet again and he will be like he used to be. Happy with No more sickness, No more Cancer!
Bud has gone home and I am patiently waiting to see my daddy again. . .

The Cancer did not take him away, God took him home.
Cancer is mans creation, and man is Gods creation.
Now, tell me.
Who will win this battle…

the above is an excerpt form my journal, no one else has read it until now.